Yet Again...

I have, once again, neglected my blogging duties for almost a month – unacceptable!


So, a brief catch-up to get things started…

o I GOT THE JOB AT 3!!!

o I was made Director in our PP devised piece 

o I won a Treasure Hunt at the Pirate Party!

o I bought a laptop!

o I played a gig with the one and only Arty and the Curtain Calls at DB’s

o I bought the angel wings I’ve been wanting for a year!!!

o I wore them at the Clifton Road Hallowe’en Party - which was awesome!!!

o I had the most hilarious fight with Tom (well, it’s funny now)

o And best of all, I have documented almost all of this with my awesome new camera!!!

Now, although all of that seems very cheery, there have been some bad patches… but you don’t wanna hear about that 

What you DO want to hear about are my plans, yes ladies and gentleman, the Makem has a plan! And it is as follows…

o Get all my work done… pronto

o Get our PP piece looking amazing, ready to perform in December at the Blakehay (plug much?)

o Be awesome at my job – I’m picking it up fairly quickly

o Get good commission from being so awesome at my job

o Go home for Christmas

o Spend New Year with Tom <3

o Pay my Rent

o Go to Poland

o Get PE piece looking amazing for the performance in May/June

o Get into Bath Spa 3rd Year

o Go for a Summer holiday

o Move to Bath with Tom 

I understand it’s a pretty comprehensive plan… but I’m flexible, I can change… faster than… something that changes really fast!

Yeah…

Love xoxo

Long time no see...

So, its been a while since my last post. I’ll catch you up;

• I applied and failed for about a million more jobs.
• I moved house.
• I then lived at Tom’s parent’s house for about a fortnight.
• I was a Fresher’s Angel (helping new people move into The Alex was hard!).
• I went back to Uni and met my new lecturers (who I love!)
• I started and quitted Slimming World (for good reasons).
• I won Legend of the Week.
• I went to see a really weird play (“The Author” by Tim Crouch).
• I organised Tom’s 20th birthday night out (which was amazing).
• I got Skype and spoke to Zoe in Utah!
• I finally decided to ask for help…

So, yeah, there’s been ups and downs - for once, more ups than downs!

  

Think I’m gonna leave it at that for now

 

Love xoxo

 

Back to Reality

So, I’m back again. Back to my boring, non-working, non-money having life in Weston… joy.

I have to say though, I’ve had a lovely weekend; obviously, I got to see Tom!!! I had a great night out on Friday (when I finished my epic day of travelling - two cars, two coaches and two trains!!! AND an interview!) with Tom and some of his friends from home. Then there was the wedding on Saturday (I almost cried at the service!) which was great except I had the mother of all headaches (somewhere between a hangover, a migraine and an overweight rhino sat on my head!) but Tom’s Mam has been feeding and looking after me, as usual!

I’ll miss being at home though, it was lovely to spend so much time with my Mam - and I got to spend time with Rachel, Mel and Zoe, who I never see!

Moving on though, I’m starting a diet today GOD HELP ME!) which should give the old self-esteem a good kick up the backside!

Also, I’m moving into my new house on Friday, which I’m VERY excited about --- I will really miss living in the Alex though; we’ve had some amazing times here this year!

Right, I’m off to Tesco!

Love xoxo

Back in the Costa Del Sunderland...

So, I’m back in Sunderland for a while (until Friday) and I’m rather enjoying myself so far; I’ve been to a fancy dress party, see face book for the photos (LOL), I’ve caught up with some friends, been on my dad’s motorbike (it’d been SUCH a long time!) and spent sometime with my lovely mother! Thankfully, she’s got this week off so we can have “girly time!”.



I have to say, I haven’t missed the “locals” of my hometown. I know that is a contradiction in terms, as I am obviously a local myself , HOWEVER; I AM NOT THE SCUM OF THE EARTH!!! I’d been in Sunderland for approximately four minutes when I was blessed with a Chav Attack; three or four under-dressed, pre-pubescent tramps swearing and gesturing at my Dad. This is after THEY had taken three hours to cross the road. Imbeciles!



Anyway, I’m missing Tom a lot; we speak and text all the time but its not really the same is it? Anyway, I’ve vowed to get him a present with “Sunderland” on it - I’ve no idea what it’ll be yet!



It seems I’ve come home at a good time for one of my friends, who recently lost his Nan; so to be as supportive as he was to me when I lost my Gran is nice. That’s probably the thing I like most about coming home; the proof that no matter how long I’ve not seen my best friends, as soon as we’re together, its like we were never apart.



I’m looking forward to this weekend (NOT the 9 hour trip back to Weston though!); I’ve got an interview for The Works (who I honestly thought had forgotten about my application), I’m going to Tom’s cousin’s wedding on Saturday and then getting back to Weston on Sunday. Happy days :)



Love xoxo

A trip to the arcades/The story of my "engagement ring"

For those of you who didn’t read the post before this, I’d like to explain my general mood yesterday to you; PIG SICK! I had a headache that didn’t budge for hours, I no longer fit into most of my clothes and  Tom and I aren’t going to see each other for ages from tomorrow evening…

However, being the amazing chap he is, Tom decided to try to cheer me up. So, we left the house with the idea to go to Cabot for a few drinks and games of pool which he’d obv win but I’d have fun trying to use my “Gypsy Magic” - long story lol…

Anyway, we actually ended up in an arcade and it was brilliant!!! We had so much fun and we won 215 tickets J

I suppose now its probably a good time to return to the engagement ring - now, before you rush out and buy a big hat, I must warn you, its just a wind up. Although we thought we had done marvellously well in getting these 215 tickets, it turns out that it takes a little more than that to get something very good (for example, for 30,000 tickets, you can get some kind of rock band/guitar hero world tour thing!!!) SO, we ended up looking at the trays of crappy, plastic rings. Now, I must say, one of the trays (where I picked mine from), wasn’t all bad; the one Tom chose his from, however, was lucky bag fodder if I’ve ever seen it!

So, I left the arcade, feeling much better, with a pretty “silver” ring with “diamonds” in it, while Tom had a huge, plastic, purple rock on his hand…

Love xoxo

PS - I’m very sorry if anyone who reads this gets as excited as Loz did when we sent her a picture entitled “Laura’s Left Hand” :P xoxo

I'm just gonna have a little whinge

Now, I am well aware that in one of my previous posts I said Iwas going to stop whinging on here but today is an exception. I have the authority to say this because; 1 - this is my blog, 2 - I have a hideous headache and 3 - because I am a female and it is a well-known fact that it is a female's prerogative to change her mind.

So, as per usual, my headache has made my usually frustratingly mundane life a little more unbearable today, so much so that I'm back to barely speaking to Tom. This in itself is not a good thing because he is my boyfriend and we live together; however, today it is worse because as of Wednesday evening we won't be seeing each other until the 6th of August. Now, I am aware that this is only nine days but considering we have only spent three nights apart since easter and he is the only thing keeping me relatively strong at the moment, a week and two days is a very long time, made only worse by the fact that I have two eight+ hour coach journeys ahead of me.

Add that to my low self-esteem due to my unfair weight gain, my lack of job and therefore money, being stuck in the house all day everyday, sporadic headaches and I think you can call that a recipie for a pretty crappy day.

Thank you. Moan over. You can carry on now...

love xoxo

And the the tides HAVE turned :)

Well, I'll say it again, it DOES pay to be positive; and it also pays to apply to a million places, no matter how random they may seem at the time!

I've just had a rather lovely chat on the phone with a man from the Exeter branch of 3 (the phone company), who puposefully picked the random time of quarter past three on a Sunday to give me a short telephone interview. He was such a sweetheart and he said he loved my accent (this was something I needed to hear because I was beginning to think nobody in Weston would employ me because of where I was from) and people would find me approachable and friendly.

So, I'd appreciate it if everyone who reads this keeps as many things as possible crossed for me to get a face-to-face interview with the Weston branch manager... and then the job!!! :)

love xoxo

dust myself off and try again

So, although last night ended up turning into an utter fiasco, I have decided, once again, to sort myself out and keep trying...

Now, for those who haven’t read my blog for the past two days; I managed to get closer to a job than I have in the whole two months of my job search. It was in a lovely place, the Pink Leaf Indian restaurant. It honestly couldn’t have been a more perfect thing, its literally a thirty second walk from my house!!! However, I digress (always wanted to say that!!!), I wandered into the restaurant by chance yesterday and asked about the waiting job I had seen advertised on the jobcentre plus website; the manager kindly asked me to return in a few hours for a short work trail “to see what I could do”…

Apparently what I can do is panic. A lot. So much so that its difficult to breathe, speak and see (quite important when you’re working behind a bar or as a waitress, I’d imagine). Yes, the minute I stepped out of my front door I was struck with this indescribable feeling of terror, which quadrupled when I actually entered the building…

I estimate that I lasted no more than three minutes at the Pink Leaf before I ran, complaining of an imminent migraine, just managing to get back to my flat before exploding into wild, hyper-ventilated tears. The once again lovely manager offered me another chance - but lets be honest now… how can I go back? Even to eat there now would be a horrendously embarrassing experience. But I suppose that’s life…

So, back to my original point; I’m not going to let this stop me - granted, I intend to stay out of the Pink Leaf - BUT I do not intend on giving up completely; I applied for at least five other jobs yesterday and I have an application to fill in and another one to go pick up tomorrow.

I shall not be beaten by the corporate machine… just by my inability to be a waitress…

Love xoxo

perhaps not....

well, i messed that up royally -- had a panic attack in Pink Leaf and had to lie to 

my prospective manager that i had a migraine.

i feel a right wally.

xoxo

PROGRESS!!!!

it appears that my fresh, new, positive outlook on life has paid off!

i have a trial at the Pink Leaf Indian restaurant tonight!!!!

woop xoxo

still going crazy/sorting my life out and not whinging everytime i write this blog!

so, i started writing yet ANOTHER whining blog about how i have no cash and no job and how i'm slowly losing more of my marbles as each day passes --- BUT i have decided; NO MORE! i'm going to be pro-active and positive (for possibly the first time in my 19 years of life!) and get what many would call "an effing grip"! :)

so, the new improved life plan of laura (that's me if you hadn't already worked it out) is as follows;

- stop whinging unless i plan to do something about the situation (eg - no more bitching about my weight until i get off my arse and do something to remedy it)
- try my bloody hardest to get a job and don't let it get me down if it doesn't happen in seconds (some people spend months, years out of work!)
- SAVE MONEY (when i eventually get it)
- buy my passport (for lanzarote 2011!!)
- enjoy every bit of my second year in weston (because i do love it here)

and for now, that shall do :)

love xoxo

a time for change

yes ladies and gents, it's that time of year again (no, i haven't gone crazy; i know christmas isn't for months yet!). it is time, once again, for me to make a lot of phoney promises to myself about how i'll be different this coming academic year; get a haircut, find a new style, be "cooler"...however, no matter what i say, these pseudo-new year's resolutions never get kept; i still have the same haircut i had when i was fourteen, i still wear the same clothes as i did when i was fifteen but worst of all, i never became one of the "cool" kids...

but the difference this year is that i don't think i want to change; for once in my life i am comfortable with who i am. now, for those of you who know me well, you will see this as a startling revelation - which it is. i still want all of the things i usually want; lose a little bit of weight, be more patient, do my work on a day other than the one before it's due in etc, but i don't want to change me.

doctor, i think we've made some progress :)

love xoxo

got the blues...

so, i'm actually sick of feeling like crap now. being stuck in this stupid house is driving me crazy; i've got nothing to do, no money to do it with and no job to get money from. 

i've felt this cabin fever before, a few summers ago. granted, the situation was worse then but the sheer fact that i'm doing the same as that year gets me into the same mindset as i was back then. as if i'm worthless and of no earthly good to anyone. 

to be honest i just feel sorry for tom, he's the one that has to deal with me being like this, not speaking or locking myself in the bathroom while i cry. i have to admit he is coping with it amazingly; but how long until he stops wanting to cope? i mean, he shouldn't have to; a crazy girlfriend who does all this stupid stuff isn't the usual.

i don't know what i'd do without him xoxo

i wish i'd written this...

cosmic love - florence and the machine

A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

xoxo

another little job update

since the last job-related post i have;
- filled in an application for the works
- been ignored from the works
- had and interview for birthdays
- been rejected by birthdays
- pestered the staff of priceless again (they neeeeeeed to sart looking through their CVs!!!)
- given my details to treds so they can arrange an interview
- been waiting by the phone...

hrmmmmmm

xoxo

post script: also, i have another medium of internet correspondance now -- girls, you can find me at http://lookville.com/laurahilton where fashion is only a click away (surely i should be getting paid for that kind of positive advertisement!)

feeling musical...

i miss singing. i miss writing. i miss rehearsing. and most of all, i miss performing.

xoxo

just gonna stand there and watch me burn?

so last night scared me - big time. for the first time i saw something i never thought i would - a side of you i never thought i could.

""You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe when you’re with ‘em
You meet and neither one of you even know what hit ‘em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills used to get ‘em
Now you’re getting fucking sick at lookin at ‘em...""

everything is fine now, perfectly fine -- but it still happened... no violence, just a really ugly fight

xoxo

the search continues...

so...!
i've handed in CV's (i've MADE a CV for god's sake!)
i've pestered the staff of priceless
i've thrown away an application form (bad day)
i've filled in an online application
i've been rejected
i've filled in a new application

WHEN WILL IT END?!?!?

that is all x

i think its about time for another...

well, i've not blogged for over a month so i think its about time i get back into the swing of things :)

since you last heard from me i have --

- turned 19 :D
- had the best birthday humanly possible!
- taken tom up to sunderland to meet the family
- met yet more of tom's family at his cousin's wedding
- performed at the playhouse
- finished my first year of uni
- singned the contract for my new house!!!
- discovered i'm flat broke... again

now apart from the last point, i think its pretty obvious to see that i've had a fairly decent start to my summer - makes a change!!!!

so, plans for the summer stand as follows; i will --

- get a job
- get money (from the above)
- get a tan
- go to t4!!!!
- hopefully go home for a week or so
- be happy
- move into my new house with tom, ayla, emily and nic
- get ready for rollercoaster number 2 - otherwise known as 2nd year PA!

peace out :) xoxo

what a sh*tty week...

well, i wasn't at uni all last week; couldn't face it to be honest. could barely get out of bed for the most part.

it was the one year anniversary of my gran's death on thursday and it really hit me hard, harder than i expected it to. not because i didn't love her - just because i've never let it hit me. i've tried so hard to look after other people and keep them smiling that i kinda left myself out. so being here in weston, with nobody to comfort and make feel better, i was sort of left with my own thoughts - never a good thing!!!

it was also the three year anniversary of something else (something i'd prefer to keep to myself - its prompt book material you see) which also messed my already fuzzy brain up.

eventually got around to going to the doctors; she had me fill in "patient health questionnaire 3" which is about mental health. perhaps i might get a bit of help...finally.

xoxo

weston('s)-super-sunny!!!!

i can't explain how much i'm loving this weather at the minute; i feel like a better person in the sun, it makes everything look better and everyone smiles.

and in this life, that's all we've got...a smile in the sunshine :)

what a difference a dream makes...

its funny (although at this point in time, laughing is the last thing i feel like doing) how much a dream can affect our day if you let it.

now, i'm not talking about one of those dreams where you fly to the moon in an ice cream cone, where as soon as you wake up, you're mind has been wiped of this possibly drug-induced hallucination --- i'm talking about the kind of dream so horrible that your mind can't take being a part of it so keeps you in some kind of semi-consciousness where everything seems horrifically real until something tips you over the edge enough to give you that heart attack feeling as if you'd almost slipped on ice.

now for many people, this is brought on by terror; the man with a chainsaw, chasing them through their college or a supermarket --- mine, however, is sheer rage. everytime i wake up feeling like my chest could burst and my stomach is on fire...

but back to my original point; these dreams can have an effect on our entire day, perhaps even a week! for example at this very moment i am suffering from a pounding chest and a fiery stomach; my mind is racing with crazy, violent, scary thoughts about how i would approach any situation similar to my dream --- it scares me a bit. i know it's weird - so i have to do something...something...

hence we now have blog number four...

so does the queen get an hourly wage?

its just little questions like that which bother me at half four in the morning...

• can bumblebees get brain damage from their repetitive banging into transparent surfaces?
• why do my bras go dodgy in the wash?
• why do i have a minor heart attack everytime one of my housemates opens a door in our house?
• do fish get sweaty?

send you answers on a stamped, addressed postcard....

i missed april fool...

actually a little bit gutted right now, i woke up too late to give someone a really inventive april fooling :(

however, i did bend the rules slightly and get Tom, told him i was going to Madeira Cove to get Bryony to dye my hair muahahaha lol!

and so ends the second blog :)

first blog!

well, first ever blog! very confused but i'm sure i'll get in the swing of things.

decided that i'm going to be a model student next term, be ahead on all my work, don't get drunk all of the time and BUDGET!!!! its like a new year's resolution that got lost in the post :)

still mind blown over the fact that i saw dan le sac vs scroobius pip on saturday - was incredible (the support acts were pretty amazing too), need to get scroob's book and their new album asap!

NO MORE CHERRY ORCHARD! at last we are free, got eastward ho! to look forward to next term - lets hope it pans out better than this last six weeks :S

and you know what? i think thats it for post number one :)